i used to want to be an airplane when i grew up
i’m not sure if that was foreshadowing
to the 10 million unrealistic expectations
i’d be faced with as a woman
or just really poor parenting
either way
i did not fulfill my childhood dream
and yesterday i did not take out the trash
sometimes i sit in my car and cry until i drown out
the heaviness of just being alive
i have no idea what my greatest accomplishment is
but one time i did deliberately avoid shaking
hands with mitch daniels
i used to be proud of the fact
that i was baptized in a pond when i was 18
i can still remember the way the catfish
nibbled my ankles as i was dipped backwards
into that murky holy abyss
i don’t think about that day much anymore
i don’t think about god
or the people i used to know who live
on county roads
i do think about the conversations i don’t get to have
with the people i loved
who believed in god and didn’t believe in god
and all died the same anyways
outside the sky is burning white with the kind
of cold that makes me feel like
a kid again
i take comfort in knowing there has to be an ice shanty sitting
somewhere in the middle of a frozen channel
waiting for something other than the frost
to bite back
this morning walking my dog i stopped
to pull off my gloves hold the air in my hands for just a minute
the bitterness makes my fingers look older
and my age has started making my fingers look older
a plane passes overhead
that could’ve been me
humming norman greenbaum
slipping away with nothing but the weight of clouds
resting on my shoulders
i used to want to be an airplane when i grew up
now i’m so many undecided somethings
rupturing with memories always trying to find the right word
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